Why My Baby Fights Sleep (And How to Help Them Settle Easier)
It’s bedtime. You’ve gone through the calming routine—dim lights, cuddles, gentle rocking—and yet, your baby is wide-eyed, wriggling, maybe even wailing. Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever thought, “Why is my baby fighting sleep?”, you’re not alone. Many parents find themselves baffled by a baby who seems overtired but still resists rest. The good news? There are reasons behind it—and there are ways to help.
Let’s explore why babies fight sleep and what you can do to help them settle more easily.
Why Do Babies Fight Sleep?
Babies aren’t trying to be difficult—they’re communicating, it’s the only way they know how to. And often, fighting sleep is their way of saying something isn’t quite right. But, as a parent myself I know how frustrating it can be when you know they need sleep and they just won’t! Here are some common culprits:
1. Overtiredness
It might sound strange, but being too tired can actually make it harder for little one’s to fall asleep. When they exceed their age appropriate wake window their body naturally starts to release a hormone called Cortisol (this is the hormone that we all have and it’s mainly used to wake us up each morning, without it we’d hibernate!). When they become overtired they can present as alert, almost hyperactive and as if they aren’t ready for sleep.
2. Undertiredness
On the flip side, if your baby hasn’t been awake long enough, they might simply not be ready for sleep yet. If their sleep pressure isn’t high enough they just simply won’t be ready yet, this then leads them to feel frustrated and begin the battle of going to sleep.
3. Developmental Leaps
Around key milestones (like learning to roll, crawl, or walk), babies often have a harder time sleeping. Their little brains are busy practicing new skills - particularly between 2-4am when their sleep pressure isn’t as high and cortisol is naturally on the rise. Having plenty of time to practice key milestones during the day can help with this. See the Milestones blog for more info on this.
4. Separation Anxiety
From around 6 months, babies begin to understand object permanence—which means they now realise when you leave the room. Bedtime can become an emotional time if they’re worried about being apart from you. Even more so as they become toddlers this separation anxiety can become a big problem, sticking to boundaries is key at this time.
5. Sleep Associations
If your baby is used to falling asleep in a particular way (e.g., rocking, feeding, or being held), they may struggle to fall back asleep when they wake during the night and that same condition isn’t present.
How to Help Your Baby Settle More Easily
Now that we know why your baby might be resisting sleep, here are a few gentle, practical tips to help:
1. Watch Wake Windows
Learn your baby’s ideal wake window based on their age and keep an eye on sleepy cues like rubbing eyes, zoning out, or redness around the eyes. Catching the right window can make settling so much easier.
2. Create a Consistent Wind-Down Routine
Babies thrive on predictability. A short, calming bedtime routine (feed-bath-massage-feed-story-sleep) signals to your baby that sleep is coming and helps them transition more smoothly. Remain consistent with this routine as it allows them to know what is coming next. Not all parents bath their child each night, and that’s okay, but following a similar sequence of steps will really help them settle into bedtime.
3. Keep the Sleep Environment Calm
Having a quiet, dimly lit room between 16-20° for before bed and naps can really help your little one settle into a good sleep. Avoid overstimulation before bed, limit screen time and aim for a space that feels safe and peaceful. If they aren’t confident in their sleep space this can cause them to feel unsettled. If you’re considering transitioning them to their own room soon I would recommend starting with naps in the room before completing a full transition.
4. Offer Comfort and Reassurance
If separation anxiety is at play, try using gentle methods to reassure your baby. You can offer physical closeness, a soothing voice, or a transitional object like a snuggly (if age-appropriate). Having familiar scents such as bedding which has been around parents can also be really helpful in making them feel safe and reassured.
5. Gradually Support Independent Sleep Skills
If your baby relies heavily on a specific sleep association, try slowly reducing that support. For example, if you’re always rocking to sleep, you might start by decreasing the motion over time and offering more still cuddles instead.
A Final Word of Encouragement
If your baby is fighting sleep, it’s not your fault—and you’re not doing anything wrong. Sleep challenges are incredibly common, and they don’t last forever. Even as an infant sleep consultant my little boy sometimes still fights sleep.
With a bit of observation, consistency, and a sprinkle of patience, your baby can learn to settle more easily. And if you ever feel stuck, you don’t have to navigate it alone, I am here to help with plans that support the whole family, not just your little one. We can create a personalised plan for your little one based on your goals - whether it be less bedtime battles, more consistent naps or a more peaceful night, it’s all possible! Visit my Sleep Plan page to find out more about the packages I offer.
